-=kenneth's rants and other things=-

Tue, 01 Jul 2008

Raccoons in my trash bins!

This is for Jim C-

The SF Gate has an article about crews of recycling bandits in SF. As the article says -

Though the men didn't knock over the bins or leave other trash in their wake, some San Francisco residents say they know when the recycling bandits are on the march when they see tipped-over cans and litter strewn on the ground and hear clanks of bottles and cans at 3 a.m. One waste company says it has received 20,000 complaints of curbside recycling theft in San Francisco.

In my hood, it used to be that one older woman would go around and get the bottles and cans out of the recycling on Thursday evenings (not 3am). But the past few months, I have noticed the "crews" running through.

Maybe there will be a gang war of recyclers. They can organize the gangs based on which kind of glass they recycle- brown glass, clear, or green.

But so help me god, if they start singing at 3am and wake me up again I may have to get a pellet gun. . .

01 Jul 13:15 | /humor | 4 comment(s)

Mon, 30 Jun 2008

Bad bad parents (Shaq Sucks)

via Dean H:

30 Jun 13:58 | /humor | 0 comment(s)

Tue, 24 Jun 2008

Anne, you there?

Anne, I know it's still a bit too soon to call me since you broke up with your soon-to-be-convicted ex, Rafaello, . . . but next week is open, you have my contact information.. . .

24 Jun 13:57 | /humor | 1 comment(s)

Sat, 31 May 2008

Soup!

I just got this package in the mail from my sister-in-law:

Cock flavored soup . . . oooh, spicy!

31 May 14:20 | /humor | 4 comment(s)

Mon, 19 May 2008

Slippery When Wet

Today I was walking from the bus stop to work and realized that the line outside the Peet's wasn't too long yet. It usually goes out the door and around the building. I was getting there just as it was going out the door so I thought I'd get a cup there as I didn't get a chance to pull a shot of espresso at home.

So as I'm standing there behind a tall banker, I kind of tripped on the wet sidewalk tiles as we were scooting up. I didn't fall, but my shoes made a noise. He looked up at the noise. He kind of looked around conspiritorially and said-

"Yeah, you've got to be careful- they wet all the sidewalks down when they sweep in the morning," he leaned in more and added, "because they piss and poop on the sidewalks." He nodded towards some homeless people over by the bank.

"At my building over there, they have to sweep out near the wall in particular way back by that bush because it's hidden so well and they poop over there because no one can see them."

I said, "yeah, I've seen it more out in the open- right over there between the newspaper stands and that Bart elevator. The newspaper machines hide them from street view, but just barely. I've walked by and had to step over human feces" He scrunched up his face at that like that was just a touch too savage.

As we scooted up in the line and got in to the Peet's he said, "At first I thought you tripped because you were looking at those two girls. That blonde looks like a young Heather Locklear."

"Nope, I guess it was just the sidewalk. It's Monday and I'm not awake yet."

I didn't want to admit I was staring at her friend. But then again, you all knew that anyway.

19 May 20:57 | /humor | 1 comment(s)

Mon, 31 Mar 2008

Kathie Lee Gifford to join NBC's `Today'

Yes, I know about this- you don't need to email me the news. My mom emailed me this link this morning (and my dad emailed it to me later in the day).

Gifford, 54, who left Regis Philbin and "Live" in 2000, joked that the timing of her TV return "couldn't be worse" in certain ways: "I'm eight years older, 10 pounds heavier, a half-inch shorter, and just in time for HD television."

Pretty funny quote actually. Welcome back KLG, I'll have to start "working from home" more.

31 Mar 17:52 | /humor | 1 comment(s)

Fri, 21 Mar 2008

Only 30 :(

Thanks Bryan

21 Mar 15:30 | /humor | 4 comment(s)

Wed, 19 Mar 2008

Rejected Cards

I love these cards, especially the one with the diagram and this one:

19 Mar 16:46 | /humor | 0 comment(s)

Wed, 12 Mar 2008

How I Came to Love Kathie Lee Gifford

No, I'm not blogging while drunk . . . let's back the story up a bit.

Ever since I was a child I've had 5 3 bad habits. Or 3 that I'll talk about or admit to having.

1. I chew on plastic objects, almost constantly. Straws and give-away keychains being my favorite items. I used to chew up my brother's green army men and then deny it saying that his bag must have come with injured or maimed soldiers mixed in.

2. I pop my knuckles and especially my neck. The neck cracking is extremely gross to others but I only do it when I'm feeling tense.

3. When I steal candy from your candy bowl, I roll the wrappers up really small and then hide them in your house. Normally, I only do this at my parents' house, but I have done this at other people's.

Today's story starts with that third item.

... there's more to read here ...

12 Mar 11:43 | /humor | 10 comment(s)